OCD? Anxiety? I’m always worrying about something: breast cancer, Lou Gehrigs disease…and being gay.?
Posted on Feb 28, 2010 under breast cancer |Two years ago:
I thought I had heart disease and researched everything on the subject.
Two years ago:
I thought I had AIDS from ONE protected sexual encounter even though tests came back negative. To this day I still think I could have it and am paranoid about passing it on to my current partner.
One year ago:
I had muscle spasms and thought I had Lou Gehrig’s disease. I cried over it and the idea of MS as well. I even went to see a neurologist. Sometimes I think I could still have it because I still get the spasms.
Two months ago:
I had a random flashback to a memory where a friend and I explored each others underwear and bra ( I was 8 and she was 7), and suddenly I was paranoid that my behavior was not normal for that age and that I’m some sort of child molester. I can’t watch crime episodes now because I feel guilty about possibly being one.
One month ago:
Then I felt guilty about watching porn on occasion and wanted to know the verified ages of all the people involved in the videos so that I wasn’t some kind of abuser or sex offender. I stay away from any porn now ( I didn’t watch it often anyways).
One week ago:
I found out one of my family members is gay. Shame on me for thinking this but, I thought that maybe I could be gay too because my close family member was gay. Now I’m looking at women differently and checking to see if I find women attractive or if I get aroused. I try to reflect back on moments in college where I may have felt the need to experiment with women and try to dissect everything that did or did not happen. I even cried at the idea of being gay because I’m in a heterosexual relationship and that would mean it couldn’t continue…even though we’ve been dating for 2 years AND live together!
My heart always races at these thoughts and races even faster when I research the topics. It’s like a sudden swoosh falls upon me and I NEED to have all the available information at my disposal asap along with a panel who will decide if I am or am not X, Y and Z. I need help…but what IS this?
Severe GAD? OCD? Whatever it is, I think it’s time for medication.
February 28th, 2010 at 10:18 am
you need to read this book: The Waveriders by Indigo Irwin Kennedy. You’re experiencing high and low emotional waves - this book will help you manager them and create emotional balance and calmness. Here’s the website: http://www.thewaveriders.com and sample chapter of the book: http://www.thewaveriders.com/downloads/wave-riders-pd-book-sample-chapter.pdf
It’ll help you…I promise.
February 28th, 2010 at 10:18 am
sounds like you have general anxiety and hypochondria (perosn thinks they have a deadly disease even when the symptoms are just mild and unrelated to a serious illness., they obsessively misdiagnose themselves). I am a hypochondriac adn i have anxiety and panic disorder adn it runs my life, sometimes it’s a living hell. Best to get a refferal from your doctor so you can see a thrapist..it will help you to cope a bit better with your mental illness.